Building meaningful relationships

Hello

What is the purpose of building meaningful relationships when life’s journey is limited in time? Our history and biology reveal that relationships are not just a survival mechanism; they are also one of the closest things we have to feel alive.

In prehistoric times, our ancestors formed tribes to survive in an unstructured world. These very early forms of societies focused on ensuring their collective survival by gathering food and reproducing while repelling attacks from other tribes and wild animals. However, forming these tribes was very challenging as language did not exist and relationships were formed based on drawings, noises, gestures and actions.

That not understanding each other lasted many thousands of years, but it was also the starting point of developing languages. The idea of language started to revolutionize us as a species, as we unlocked the skill to communicate, to understand and to think. And by thinking, we learned to live in harmony, form nations, expand ideas and shift the balance from survival to cooperation. The ancient challenges our ancestors faced are no longer a concern nowadays. Food is mass-produced and found in stores, houses shelter us from dangers and we can understand through language.

But language also sharpened our consciousness. We developed a vague idea of who we are and what we need. Nowadays, tribes evolved to family and friends, and social contact is sought for two main reasons: subconsciously, it helps us remain mentally fit; consciously, it allows us to enjoy life beyond the suffering of existence. People who lack social connections feel lonely and tend to experience higher rates of illness and mortality.

To illustrate this with an example: consider being confined to an isolation cell for a year with only occasional contact with a single prison guard. Within months, you would experience a significant decline in both mental health and cognitive function. Some studies suggest that you will lose parts of your consciousness.

We know now this all is important; then how do we build a relationship that lasts to keep us in check? Especially in today's hyperconnected and globalised world, it is common that the people you encounter during life’s adventure morph from strangers to friends to a weird state of neo-strangers if contact fades. It makes building lasting relationships a challenging and layered task. Or is it?

Your subconscious mind is most of the time in charge of the building process—especially of the feelings you experience when meeting someone, whether for the first or tenth time. These feelings that emerge take approximately 200 hours of interaction to fully develop. Every interaction, digital or in-person, contributes to this process. Of course, consciously you decide what is being fed to your subconscious as you are in control to set up meetings or search for that new person online.

But what if the connection is temporary, suited only to a specific part of life? You might feel disappointed after investing time and effort, but your personality will have shifted subtly, and you will have learned from the experience. To declare a relationship “complete” is a melancholic thing.

And what about family? Family relationships provide stability and continuity unmatched elsewhere. They offer support that can help you navigate life's challenges and celebrate its joys. While friendships bring fresh perspectives, family grounds you in shared history and mutual understanding. Family members, who begin as strangers at birth, tend to stay close even if you relocate across the world.

Your parents and siblings, if you have any, are with you for life. They are the closest people you will ever have, aside from a current or future spouse. Assume you leave home at 23; you will have spent 23 years forming deep bonds and shared memories that shape who you are. These relationships are built on shared experiences, traditions, and mutual support. Their longevity underscores their resilience.

But how many friendships last 23 years? Friendships, while valuable, often fade due to changes in circumstances, interests, or locations. Studies indicate the average friendship lasts 10 to 17 years, highlighting the unique endurance of family ties.

So to suffer less and enjoy life more, try building meaningful relationships by taking care of your family, friends, and surroundings. They help you grow, discover, and stay in check. Occasionally, show appreciation—like sending flowers or checking in with a call. Though everything fades with time, don't let your time be marked by suffering. Go out and discover the world. You might look back on past relationships as meaningful.

In the end, memories fade and we may be forgotten, but in the act of connecting, we leave a lasting imprint that transcends the limits of time.

… But every time I meet somebody new
it’s like déjà vu ...

Thank you for reading.
White Mamba