Hello,
What is the purpose of building meaningful relationships when life’s journey is limited in time? The answer lies in our biology, our history, and the truth that relationships are both a survival mechanism and one of the closest things we have to being alive.
In prehistoric times, our ancestors formed tribes to survive in an unstructured world. These early societies focused on ensuring their collective survival by gathering food, repelling attacks from other tribes and wild animals, and reproducing. However, these tribes were fragile since they relied on nonverbal communication as the concept of language existed in a different form. Words did not exist, so relationships and trust were formed based on drawings, noises, gestures, and actions.
Over time, the invention of language revolutionized human connection. Through the power of language, we learned to live in harmony, form nations, expand ideas and shift the balance from survival to cooperation. The ancient survival challenges our ancestors faced are no longer a concern. Food is mass produced and found in stores, houses shelter us from dangers, and we can communicate through language.
Language also sharpened our consciousness — we developed a vague idea of who we are and what we need. Nowadays, we do not form tribes but instead have families and friends, and social contact is sought for two main reasons: subconsciously it helps us stay mentally fit, and consciously it is an opportunity to enjoy life beyond the suffering of existence. People who lack social connections feel lonely and tend to experience higher rates of illness and mortality.
To illustrate this with an example: consider being confined to an isolation cell for a year with only occasional contact with a single prison guard. Within months, you would experience a significant decline in both mental health and cognitive function. Some studies suggest that you will lose parts of your consciousness.
So now that we know this all is important, how do we build a relationship that lasts to keep us in check? Especially in today's hyperconnected and globalised world, it is common that the people you encounter during life’s adventure morph from strangers to friends to a state of neo-strangers if contact fades. It makes building lasting relationships a challenging and layered task. Or is it?
Your subconscious mind is most of the time in charge of the building process, especially of the feelings you experience when meeting someone — whether for the first or tenth time. These feelings that emerge take approximately 200 hours of interaction to fully develop. Every interaction, digital or in-person, contributes to this process.
But what if the connection is temporary, suited only to a specific phase of life? You might feel disappointed after investing time and effort, but your personality will have shifted subtly, and you will have learned from the experience. To declare a relationship “complete” is a melancholic thing.
And what about family? Family relationships provide stability and continuity unmatched elsewhere. They offer support that can help you navigate life's challenges and celebrate its joys. While friendships bring fresh perspectives, family grounds you in shared history and mutual understanding. Family members, who begin as strangers at birth, tend to stay close even if you relocate across the world.
Your parents and siblings, if you have any, are with you for life. They are the closest people you will ever have, aside from a current or future spouse. Assume you leave home at 23 — you will have spent 23 years forming deep bonds and shared memories that shape who you are. These relationships are built on shared experiences, traditions, and mutual support. Their longevity underscores their resilience.
But how many friendships last 23 years? Friendships, while valuable, often fade due to changes in circumstances, interests, or locations. Studies indicate the average friendship lasts 10 to 17 years, highlighting the unique endurance of family ties.
So to suffer less and enjoy life more, try building meaningful relationships by taking care of your family, friends, and surroundings. They help you grow, discover, and stay in check. Occasionally, show appreciation — like sending flowers or checking in with a call. Though everything fades with time, don't let your time be marked by suffering. Go out and discover the world. You might look back on past relationships as meaningful.
In the end, memories blur, and we are forgotten. Yet in the act of connecting, we transcend time.
Thank you for reading.
White Mamba